Helping the Aged

Submitted by a retired professional married woman

My husband and I were invited to contribute to the “Drugs Positively” project, I suspect, because we were quite often seen at parties where recreational drugs were being used. We are both in our late sixties and the young people (actually not that young, probably average age of 40) at these parties would often comment on how inspiring they found our relationship and how we are with each other. We have been together for more than 30 years and have consistently “worked at” our relationship. By that I mean that whenever we have an argument or disagreement we would always find the time to sort it out. And we were not satisfied to just leave the issue so that we were no longer arguing, we continued exploring and discussing until we understood exactly how we had lost our agreement, what it was that triggered either or both of us into disliking each other. On several occasions we used cannabis to facilitate this process.

There were three helpful effects of smoking cannabis. The first was that it got us to relax and take everything more light heartedly – and when we were in a nasty row this alone was always helpful. Secondly it improved the contact between us. By that I mean that we listened to each other more carefully and came to understand each other better – not just intellectually but also emotionally. Finally being stoned made us more open, especially more intellectually open, so that we were not quite as fixed in our view of what had been going on. These were the effects that helped us sort out some of our more difficult issues – issues about how to bring up children, who was responsible for chores, whether one of us was being too generous or too mean – the sort of stuff that can drive couples apart.

One of the side effects that we noticed was that cannabis also enhanced all our sensations. It made music a lot more vivid, good food was amazingly delicious (but bad food was intolerably bad) and being sexual together was taken to new levels of closeness and experience. And it is this last effect that I want to focus on, because I think it is really important in gaining the admiration of the ‘young’ people at the parties we occasionally frequent.

When I was a young woman, in my thirties, I had numerous boyfriends (this was the late sixties early seventies remember) and had sexual intercourse at least once every night. When I got together with my husband we agreed we wanted a monogamous relationship and were pleased that we seemed well suited sexually. For many years we had sex every night when we went to bed – but slowly the stresses of work and the decline in energy started to take their toll. We were still sexually active and attracted to each other – but a lot of the spark had quietly slipped away. We noticed that most of our friends were experiencing a similar shift. The women didn’t dress quite as sexually, there were fewer flirtatious innuendos and the sexual temperature was noticeably lower.

When our children ceased being interested in coming on summer holidays with us we started to explore different styles of holiday. The one that we settled on involved going somewhere hot where we could alternate between walking in nice countryside and flopping out on the beach the next day to recover. An integral part of these holidays was to take some cannabis with us and use it just to have a good time – especially sexually. We both found that the increase in the intensity of physical sensations more than compensated for our declining libidos. We recognised that we required more stimulation to be able to have a good time sexually – and so we started to learn how to stimulate each other more. We changed the way we dressed to please the other; we learned new ways to touch each other physically. In short we used cannabis to significantly enhance our sexual relationship.

This has continued for the last fifteen years until now, as we approach our seventies, we are having better sex than ever before. And because we have been working at resolving the difficulties in our relationship the depth of love between us has continued to grow. We tell people that the love and the sex just continue to get better and better – and it shows. Most people have the experience of liking seeing young people when they are “in love”. They look so happy and radiant, and it reminds them of the times when they have felt that way. Well that’s the effect that we now have on people! And we both agree that one of the most important ingredients has been keeping our sexual relationship alive – and cannabis has been key to achieving this.

So when we were discussing how we could contribute to this project, we decided that this is what we wanted to share with other people. We are fed up with seeing 60 and 70 year olds who have given up on their sexuality and their sexual relationship. Yes one’s libido does decline dramatically but there are probably many ways to counteract this – cannabis is definitely one way.